


Rogue: Ascend

by shallogost



Series: Branching Pathways [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ascension, But how can he be here if they haven't made the kids session yet?, Dog Killer, Gen, Remember them???, Underlings, don't worry about that ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27035167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shallogost/pseuds/shallogost
Summary: An alternate timeline where most of the Trolls succeed in ascending to the God Tier. Though because of one thing or another, things go horribly wrong.
Series: Branching Pathways [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989124
Kudos: 1





	Rogue: Ascend

**Author's Note:**

> This will be part of a series I do about doomed timelines in Homestuck. I actually really like writing these, and I made an AO3 account just to publish them. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I like creating them.

Land of Little Cubes and Tea

Nepeta pounces down, sinking her claws into the feral imp as it pops with loot. She looks up at the approaching ogre. The enemy crunches its pincers at her as she dodges, rolling forward and slicing at its knee, letting it fall forward onto the other as she jumps onto its back, stabbing her claws into the enemy and letting it fall face first. She sheathes her weapon as she proudly sits on its back, equipping her DRAWING TABLET COMPUTER.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

CA: jegus flippin christ nep  
CA: are you gonna stab its back and ride its torso like a log flume ride dowwn a magical fuckin little cube rivver  
AC: :33 < h33h33 no of course not!  
AC: :33 < thats a purrfectly good waste of purrey!  
AC: :33 < even though i cant eat ogres ://  
CA: they probably taste like absolute ass anywway  
CA: but wwhatevver thats not the point  
CA: kan has alerted me to somefin pretty awwful  
AC: :33 < hmm? what is it?  
CA: some wweird fuckin demon showwed up on vvriskas planet  
CA: an killed her  
AC: :33 < what?!?!?! :((  
AC: :33 < that's pawful! it just up and killed her?  
CA: i guess. kan told me in a fritz wwhen i wwas tryin to message her  
CA: i think she wwent and revvivved her. thank fuckin god for dream selvves  
CA: but yeah. apparently vvris fought really hard against this guy but he just slaughtered her.  
AC: :33 < oh gosh... thats really scary  
CA: yeah no shit  
CA: he wwas apparently a  
CA: Teleporting Dog Monster With A Sword  
CA: jaded for stupid enunciation  
AC: :33 < a teleporting dog monster?? g33z :'((  
AC: :33 < whatre we supposed to do???  
CA: i dont knoww  
CA: i guess die  
AC: ://

Nepeta growls to herself, dropping her tablet and squeezing at her hat in frustration. She picks her tablet back up.

AC: >:// < are you fucking kidding me???  
CA: wwhat  
AC: :33 < there is absolutely NO way we are dying!!! not like this!  
AC: :33 < karcat will think of something to get us out of this! i know it!  
CA: meh  
CA: i dont fuckin knoww, nep. ivve just been here killin angels evver since wwe started this damn game, its gotten to the point wwhere i just dont think i care  
CA: ivve been rejected so many times... nobody comes an vvisits wwith me on my planet... jus wwhats it all matter?  
AC: :33 < oh my goddd  
AC: :33 < eridan, just  
AC: :33 < please stop  
AC: :33 < this isnt charming or clawver ://  
AC: :33 < i know this ploy all too well already  
AC: :33 < you just want people to f33l bad for purr purr ampurra so they can fill your quadrants!!!  
AC: :33 < this is serious business! if youre even tailing the truth  
AC: :33 < just build around my hive! and quit being such a sourpuss >:((

arsenicCatnip has ceased trolling caligulasAquarium

CA: sign… nobody wwants to hang wwith me

Nepeta throws her tablet down in disgust, but makes sure it's in front of her on the incapaciated ogre. She wouldn't want to smash her precious tablet, she means purrecious. That damn Eridan, just making up stupid stories to get in her square. What an ass!

Before long, she gets a notification. Oh, Karkat's made a new memo? Er, well, present Karkat has caught up to this one anyway. What's this all about?

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY  
CCG: OKAY  
CCG: THIS IS SERIOUS SHIT, EVERYONE LISTEN UP.  
CCG: BUT ONLY IF YOU'RE RELATIVE TO THIS TIMEFRAME, IF YOU'RE FROM THE PAST, FUCK OFF AND CONTINUE DOING YOUR SHITTY BUILDING OR WHATEVER  
CCG: IF YOU'RE FROM THE FUTURE, FUCK OFF BECAUSE YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. NO PAST OR FUTURE SELVES BUTT IN RIGHT NOW OKAY??  
CCG: GOOD.  
CCG: SO FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T HEARD, VRISKA WAS JUST KILLED.  
CCG: I KNOW. IT'S A SHOCK TO ME TOO THAT THE BITCH *COULD* EVEN DIE. BUT SHE DID.  
CCG: KANAYA REVIVED HER, THANK FUCKING GOD FOR DREAM SELVES. BUT THERE'S STILL A PROBLEM.  
CCG: SHE WASN'T KILLED BY AN UNDERLING OF COURSE, BECAUSE HOW WOULD THOSE THINGS EVEN FUCKING KILL YOU, LET ALONE HER WITH HER MAGIC DICE OR WHATEVER BULLSHIT  
CCG: AND NO, FEFERI DOESN'T COUNT. ANYWAYS.  
CCG: THERE'S APPARENTLY A "DEMON" IN THIS HELLHOLE

CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CGA: It Is True  
CGA: It Was Some Kind Of Teleporting Dog Monster  
CGA: The Demon Just Appeared On Her Planet And Slayed Her Before Teleporting Away  
CGA: I Was Forced To Revive Her  
CGA: Although It Was Very Hard To See Through The Tears  
CGA: Still Sort Of Is  
CCG: SHIT  
CCG: I'M REALLY SORRY, KANAYA.  
CGA: Its Fine  
CGA: Im Sure She Is Well And Alive On Prospit, She Just Needs To Find Her Way Over To Us Again

CURRENT arachnidsGrip [CAG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CAG: Heeeeeeeey every8ody! ::::)  
CAG: I hope you all didn't miss me TOO much! :::;)  
CGA: Oh God  
CGA: Im Very Thankful To See Your Text  
CAG: D'aweeeeeeee. Thank you Kanaya.  
CAG: For those words, AND for reviving me!  
CAG: Wasn't sure if you had it in you, honestly.  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN.  
CAG: Oh, nothing. I guess I'm just too used to relying on chumps. I know I can rely on you, Kanaya ::::)  
CGA: Um  
CGA: Thanks

CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CAC: :33 < oh g33z... so eridan was tailing the truth?  
CGA: What  
CGA: He Told You About That  
CAC: :33 < um, yeah... he brought it up while we were talking since he's my server purrlayer.  
CCG: WHATEVER IT DOESN'T MATTER  
CCG: IF EVERYONE CAN PIPE IT THE FUCK DOWN, I NEED TO DISCUSS THIS PLAN SO THAT WE DONT ALL DIE A HORRIBLE, EXCRUTIATINGLY PAINFUL DEATH.  
CCG: THAT'S A GODDAMN ORDER.

FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 20 hours from now responded to memo.

FCG: YOU DONT NEED TO FUCKING SAY THATS AN ORDER. AS LEADER PEOPLE JUST FUCKING LISTEN TO YOU NORMALLY ALREADY FUCKASS

CCG banned FCG from responding to memo.

CCG: NOPE.  
CCG: NOT FUCKING DEALING WITH THAT BULLSHIT.  
CCG: I ***EXPLICITLY*** SAID NO PAST OR FUTURE SELVES, BUT OF COURSE THE PIECE OF SHIT JUST DOESN'T LISTEN.  
CCG: GOD I DREAD THE FUCKING THOUGHT THAT I'M GOING TO BE HIM AND TYPE THAT DUMB SHIT.

CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CGC: 1 DON'T KNOW FUTUR3 K4RK4T, 1 DON'T TH1NK YOU'R3 ONTO SOM3TH1NG H3R3  
CGC: 4S F4R 4S 1 C4N T3LL, NOT 4 LOT OF P3OPL3 L1ST3N TO H1S ORD3RS >:]  
CAC: :33 < um... i do my best to listen to karkat!  
CGC: W3LL YOU'R3 JUST N1C3 N3P3T4, 1 DONT TH1NK YOU COUNT  
CAC: :33  
CCG: FUCKING *THANK* YOU NEPETA.  
CCG: AT LEAST SOMEBODY IN THIS SHITTY GROUP HAS AT LEAST A LITTLE FUCKING SENSE.  
CCG: ANYWAYS. THE PLAN. YOU ALL KNOW OF THE QUEST COCOONS, RIGHT?  
CCG: THEY'RE WHAT LET US REACH GOD TIER. FEFERI ALREADY SHOWED US THIS WITH ONE OF HER STUPID NAPS THAT LET AN OGRE CRUSH HER WHILE HER GUARD WAS DOWN. BUT YOU ALL KNOW THIS ALREADY.  
CCG: WE NEED TO FIND OUR QUEST COCOONS AND FALL RIGHT THE FUCK ASLEEP. SO THAT WHEN THE DEMON COMES AND KILLS US, WE'LL ASCEND AND HOPEFULLY HAVE ENOUGH POWER TO FUCK HIM UP, ALONG WITH THE BLACK KING.

CURRENT twinArmageddons [CTA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CTA: you know kk for once you have a plan that doe2nt 2uck a22.  
CTA: even iif our death2 are iineviitable anyway  
CTA: there2 ju2t one problem.  
CCG: WHAT.  
CTA: vrii2ka wont be able two a2cend that way. 2he'2 lo2t a liife, meaniing 2he can't ju2t 2leep on her que2t cocoon and let the demon kiill her. 2he'll ju2t diie.  
CCG: FUCK.  
CCG: WELL UH.  
CCG: YEAH THAT'S A PROBLEM.  
CAG: No fair! You mean you guys get to 8e gods and I don't? ::::(  
CCG: UM. YEAH I GUESS SO??  
CCG: THAT'S KIND OF FUCKED UP.

CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCA: servves the bitch right for rejectin me  
CTA: oh my fuckiing god  
CAG: Ugh. Eridan, you just aren't a very good 8lack partner for me, I'm sorry! I dou8t any8ody really is, 8ut you certainly aren't fit enough! That's called a 8ad 8r8k my friend. ::::)  
CCA: quiet wwitch. ivve had enough of your stupid fuckin meddling.  
CCA: kar please ban her  
CCG: UUUUUUUGH  
CCG: CAN YOU TWO PLEASE. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP??? VRISKA, I'M SORRY, BUT NO YOU CAN'T BE A GOD WITH US. YOU WERE TOO FUCKING COCKY AND WAITED TOO LONG EVEN THOUGH YOUR QUEST COCOON WAS **RIGHT FUCKING THERE**  
CCG: JUST. BE FUCKING CAREFUL? DON'T GET KILLED AGAIN.  
CAC: :33 < wait... feferi ascended, right? and her purrer is life?

CCA ceased responding to memo.

CAC: :33 < would she be able to revive vriskers?  
CAG: Ah! Yes, that's actually a great idea!  
CCG: UH. OKAY BYE ERIDAN???  
CTA: dont get two exciited guy2. ii dont thiink ff'2 power2 work liike that  
CTA: ii thiink 2he can heal 2hiit awful wound2, but not briing back the dead  
CAG: ::::(  
CCG: GOD DAMMIT.  
CTA: but. there2 2tiill a way 2he can a2cend  
CTA: iit2 viia a 2acriifiiciial 2lab  
CTA: ba2iically, iit2 a variiatiion of a que2t cocoon, but iit2 at the core of the re2pectiive player'2 moon, iin thii2 ca2e, pro2piit  
CTA: you gotta fiind your 2lab iin the crypt two take a "legendary nap" or 2ome bull2hiit liike that  
CCG: HUH.  
CCG: AND JUST HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS?  
CTA: aa told me a whiile back  
CCG: OH OKAY. SO BECAUSE THAT FUCKING FROG GHOST GIRL TOLD YOU, IT'S ALL GOOD? SHIT, FINE! YOU HEARD HIM VRISKA, TAKE THAT LEGENDARY NAP!  
CAG: I guess I will! And here I was already trying to find my way 8ack to my planet........  
CAG: Oh well! If it means godhood is in reach, then I'll test my luck! :::;)  
CCG: GOOD.  
CCG: ALRIGHT THEN, HAS EVERYBODY GOT THAT? FIND YOUR FUCKING QUEST COCOONS, DO *NOT* LET THIS DEMON KILL YOU BEFORE YOU DO. WE'VE WASTED ENOUGH TIME FUCKING AROUND ALREADY.  
CCG: GET TO IT!

CCG closed memo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Nepeta sighs as the memo is closed, captchaloging her tablet as she looks up from where she was sitting. She sees the cocoon a little ways away, covered in an ocean of sugar cubes. Many imps, ogres, and other underlings stand along the cubes as Nepeta smiles, unsheathing her Action Claws. She dashes over, stabbing and hopping off of imps, one after the other, leaping up to an ogre and planting her claws into its chest, knocking it down onto its back.

She slices her claws against its throat, taking the loot it drops. To not waste time, she continues running toward her destination, dodging underlings that may be in the way, as she begins ascending up the circular path to her cocoon, sliding under and vaulting over incoming bad guys.

After the intense underling battling she finally makes it inside her cocoon. She looks at the little slab in the center, coated a pinkish shade of red, with her aspect symbol in the center. She sighs, sheathing her claws once again and sitting at the edge of the slab, equipping her tablet once again.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

AC: :33 < *ac saunters around, and bats at ca's lovely cape, grabbing for his attention*  
AC: :33 < *despite their frequent qurrels, ac hopes ca will give his pawsitive suppurrt in ascending!*  
AC: :33 < eridan? :oo  
AC: :33 < are you there?  
AC: :33 < oh gosh i hope you're alright :((  
AC: :33 < well... im going to take this leijondary nap meow  
AC: :33 < good luck!

arsenicCatnip [AC] has ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

Nepeta puts her tablet away once again as she curls up on her slab. Though it's uncomfortable, she manages to fall asleep.

Time passes.

Eventually, Nepeta wakes up in her tower on Derse's moon, stretching from the cocoon in her tower. She climbs out, wiping herself off and looking out the window. Hm… things seem normal. She squints over to the other towers. She sees two other people peering out of their towers, just as clueless.

Is this what's supposed to happen? We just wait? Nepeta ponders this for a moment, before feeling a sudden pain in her chest. A sharp stabbing pain. She looks down, watching olive blood pour from her chest.

NEPETA: o-oh... shh-

She falls to her knees as her vision begins getting blurry, soon just coming to a white flash.

Back on LOLCAT, Nepeta's freshly stabbed body begins to rise from the slab she was asleep on. To go alongside this, her dream self had just teleported to a similar slab in Skaia. The power of Heart begins to fuel Nepeta's soul, and before long, her Quest Cocoon explodes.

Now in Skaia, Nepeta finds herself floating above a pseudo Quest slab, fully dressed in her new godhood. She looks around, noticing that eleven other beds just like hers were all next to each other in a circular shape. Equius, Terezi, and Feferi were already on their beds, awaiting for their friends to arrive as well. It was only a matter of time.

Nepeta Leijon, the Rogue of Heart, has fully realized her potential and reached God Tier.


End file.
